A Glimmer of Hope

"And provide for those who grieve in Zion—to bestow on them a crown of beauty instead of ashes, the oil of joy instead of mourning, and a garment of praise instead of a spirit of despair. They will be called oaks of righteousness, a planting of the LORD for the display of his splendor." (Isa 61:3 NIV)

As Christians, we can retain the hope that even as we feel despairing, sad, and dirty, these things are only temporary.  Jer. 29:11 tells us that even in the midst of being exiled, God has good plans for us, and Rom. 8:28 says that things will work out if we love Him.  Paul goes on to write that even in the greatest hardship, we are more than conquerors.

Where we see despair, hopelessness, and loss, God sees joy, righteousness, and fruitfulness.

Sometimes it's hard to look at our situations the way God does.  It takes real effort to grab on to the promise of hope when everything is the opposite.

The Syrian army had surrounded Elisha's city.  His servant was fearful asked Elisha what they should do.  Elisha calmly told his servant that there were more with them than in the Syrian army surrounding the city.  It didn't make any sense to the servant, and so Elisha prayed that God would open his eyes.  What the servant saw was a vast angelic army riding flaming chariots (See 2 Kings 6:15-17).

You can ask God to make your faith stronger, to help you hold on to his promise that he will take care of you.  He'll bring help to you if you'd just let him.

How to Die to Yourself as a Single Christian

In the previous post, I explained the meaning of John 12:24, and ultimately, how it applies to single Christians.  God wants us to produce good fruit, and that means that we ought to become more Christ-like, but it also means that we should make more Christians.  As single adults, our mandate is to die to ourselves so that we can produce that fruit.

The Solution

The big question is, "How do we die to ourselves?"  Often thoughts of constant prayer, Bible reading, going to church pop in our heads.  (By the way, if those are things that you don't like to do, then you should re-examine your relationship with Jesus; if you love him, those things will not be a drag.)  As well, we think of ways that we can avoid temptation and sin, assuming that taking up our cross requires piety.  Also, we think of ways that we can become more full of faith, hope, and love—the three most important Christian virtues that exemplify Christian growth.

Dying to ourselves is answered much more simply than attempting to apply a self-help book to our lives.

Jesus called them together and said, "You know that the rulers of the Gentiles lord it over them, and their high officials exercise authority over them.  Not so with you.  Instead whoever wants to become great among you must be your servant, and whoever wants to be first must be your slave—just as the Son of Man did not come to be served, but to serve, and to give his life as a ransom for many." (Mat. 20:25-28 NIV)

Becoming servants to all is an extension of dying to ourselves.  We don't want to serve other people, but we want to be served.  To produce Godly fruit, we must become servants to all.

Servitude combats selfishness.  If we can serve others, we'll be able to serve our future spouse and children well.  We have to build and grow our own character before we can shape the character of others.  If we want to become leaders, we must become servants first.  If we involve ourselves in public ministry without a servant's heart, we destroy ourselves and those souls we would rather see in Heaven.

The Reward of Servitude

We often neglect the actual outcome of servitude in our lives.  Do you remember the story Jesus told about the sheep and the goats?

"Then the King will say to those on his right, 'Come, you who are blessed by my Father; take your inheritance, the kingdom prepared for you since the creation of the world. For I was hungry and you gave me something to eat, I was thirsty and you gave me something to drink, I was a stranger and you invited me in, I needed clothes and you clothed me, I was sick and you looked after me, I was in prison and you came to visit me.'

"Then the righteous will answer him, 'Lord, when did we see you hungry and feed you, or thirsty and give you something to drink? When did we see you a stranger and invite you in, or needing clothes and clothe you? When did we see you sick or in prison and go to visit you?'

"The King will reply, 'Truly I tell you, whatever you did for one of the least of these brothers and sisters of mine, you did for me.'" (Mat 25:34-40 NIV)

We have eternal rewards for public service.  Since we don't see those rewards in our lives right now, we easily ignore the fact that they are being stored up for us in Heaven.  Every time you give a glass of water to a child, it is the same as giving it to Jesus Christ himself.  Could you imagine that instead of giving clothes to a homeless person, you're actually giving them to Jesus?

What can I do?

Firstly, we should remember to take care of our own families before we try to make the world a better place (1Ti. 3:4-5).  If you have a grandmother in an assisted living facility, go visit her on a regular basis (1Ti. 5:4).  Is your brother in jail for drug possession?  If he'll accept your visits, go see him!  Is a nearby cousin without a father or a mother?  Why don't you go take her to the park and spend time with her? 

There are many kinds of community service that we can provide outside of family situations.  Here are just three right off the top of my head:

• Volunteering at animal shelters
• Spending time with residents at nursing homes
• Prison ministry

About nine years ago, I believe God directed me to take care of my grandmother.  I came to live with her for six years, and helped her take care of her sister who had Alzheimer's Disease.  I provided transportation, company, upkeep for our huge yard during the summer, I often cooked for her, I helped take care of her bills, and attempted to control her hoarding as best I could so that we could both live in the same place.  I was there for her when she had a stroke, and I visited her in a nursing home for almost three years.  She passed away this January, and so that chapter of my life is finished.  I'm now looking for the next opportunity God creates.

So, consider what you can do to benefit your family or community.  Read  James 1:27.

A Single Seed

 

Very truly I tell you, unless a kernel of wheat falls to the ground and dies, it remains only a single seed. But if it dies, it produces many seeds. (John 12:24 NIV)

 

That quote by Jesus was made during the last week before his crucifixion in Jerusalem.  When some Greeks requested to see Jesus, He responded by predicting his death and resurrection using a parable-like axiom.  Next, Jesus used it to explain how we ought to live our lives.  As single adults, we can be certain that this axiom has special meaning for us as well.

Jesus' Death and Resurrection

It's because Jesus died and rose again that we can have new life and fellowship with God.  John 1:1-2 states that He existed from the beginning, and that he was with God.  Jesus fell to the ground when he came down to Earth (John 1:14).  He died (John 19:30), and after his resurrection, he built the Church (Luke 24:46-49, Acts 2).

The Church at Large

In John 12:25 Jesus said, "Anyone who loves their life will lose it, while anyone who hates their life in this world will keep it for eternal life" (NIV).  Although he was speaking about his own death in the previous verse, he was also explaining that his statement about a kernel of wheat also applies to us as well.

As believers, we must daily die to ourselves.  Jesus commanded us to tell the whole world about his free offering of eternal life and forgiveness of sins, but only when we die to ourselves will we be able to produce more believers in Jesus as the Christ.

God loves all of us and will never leave or forsake us, but in order for us to die to ourselves, we must "fall to the ground."  We are those kernels of wheat in the Master's hand.  He does not let go of us to abandon us, but to allow us to grow.  In our most difficult times we often think that God ignores us or doesn't answer our prayers, but it's in this way that he makes us die to ourselves.

Single Seeds

Of course, our primary goal as Christian singles is to produce good fruit.  It means that we should become more Christ-like, but it also means that we should produce more believers and build a community of believers.

Many of us singles hope that one day we can build our own families, and that is no less spiritual of a goal as conventional evangelization.  With a Godly spouse, we would be able to produce Godly offspring who can learn about our Heavenly Father and his Son.

As believing singles, our goal shouldn't be to find a spouse, but to die to ourselves.  No, this isn't something easy to put into practice, and when we're dying to ourselves, it doesn't feel very good.  However, in the long run, we will have a more fulfilling relationship with our future spouse and children.

"But how do I find the one that God has made for me unless I look for her?"  You must die to yourself.

Look around you!  How many broken relationships and families do you see around you!?  They're everywhere, even in the Church!  Do you think that these broken families were caused by faith or by sin?  If you really want to have a fulfilling, Godly relationship, you must wait until God gives it to you.

But Until Then...

Jesus gave a simple "formula" for growth using his own death and resurrection as an example.  We use it corporately and individually for evangelization, but as individuals, we must learn to die to ourselves to become more Christ-like and receive those fulfilling relationships for which we long.  It's not an easy path, but we choose to take it because we want to please God.

Misguided Advice for Singles

 At 33 years old, I am a single virgin who hasn't dated in about 6 years.  I know what you're thinking—"I've seen this movie before!"  I promise that I don't have an extensive action figure collection, just four cats.

I look around at my friends and family across the world, and feel the pressure of singleness.  Admittedly, I can feel lonely.  Both my brothers are married, and they're younger than me; one of them already has a baby.  Who knows how long I'll actually live since we're never guaranteed tomorrow?  I don't have any kids, but even though I don't have a "biological clock" so to speak, as time passes, chances of having kids diminishes as I continue to be single.

A lot of well-meaning, but misguided, people try to give me advice.  No one has any new original ideas, they just think that I have to do something about my singleness.  I've never had anyone say to me, "I know this girl you would probably like.  You should meet her."  You see, they don't really have any answers.

I'm sure I don't have to explain that just about every single person has heard these next four lines, and it's probably a good idea to avoid these arguments when you're giving advice.

Your standards are too high.  You need to lower the bar.

Wow, right?  As a Christian, I believe it's imperative to keep those standards high.  One of the main qualifications I have for my future spouse is that she's a Christian and believes in God in a similar way to me (2Co. 6:14).

In my town, I've decided that I will not date GGG (Gross Gardiner Girls).  Since there's not a lot to do in town, most of the single people go to the bars for fun.  Among single people, alcoholism, drug addiction, gambling, and sleeping around are very apparent problems.

During the summer we have some very pretty girls from other countries come to work in or near Yellowstone Park.  Their motives are questionable at best.  Many of these women come from depressed countries, and are trying to get out of their situations.  Guys look like green cards to many of them.  In the end, some of these poor girls end up hooking up with foolish guys who are just looking for a pretty girl to sleep with.  Then the drama starts.

I think my standards are just fine.

You need to move away from where you live.

Obviously if you can't find what you need where you are, you need to go somewhere else, right?

Last year, since I saw that my work opportunities in this town were running out, I wanted to move to Bozeman, about 70-75 miles away.  There are lots of single girls there, and a lot of Christian people with whom I could become friends.

I wasn't able to move because I didn't find a good job in six months.  In the meantime, my housing in the Bozeman area screwed up so I ended up having to stay in Gardiner anyway.

To be honest, I didn't anticipate that I would be in Gardiner this long.  On a few occasions I've attempted to move with no results.  Although my housing even here is tenuous, I've come to accept that God has placed me here, and that I can only live one day at a time, that as much as we make plans, God is the one who orders our steps (Pro. 16:9).

At my church in Bozeman, I haven't met any girls I want to date.  Most of them are already in relationships or are too young as well.  Maybe I should church hop a bit, but that kind of defeats the mindset that:

God still wants me to stay in Gardiner, and I accept that, even though it's not easy.

You should try online dating.

One of my high school friends expressed it best when he opined sarcastically that ChristianMingle tells you that God has hidden a mate for you on their site, and if you subscribe you'll meet them.

I will not settle with humanity's best efforts; I strive to obtain God's favor and His best gifts.  When Adam was in the Garden of Eden, He said that it wasn't good for Adam to be alone and that He would make a suitable helper for him (Gen. 2:18).  Abraham's servant asked God to help him find a wife for Isaac, and before he finished praying, God answered (Gen 24:12-15).

"Ask and it will be given to you; seek and you will find; knock and the door will be opened to you. For everyone who asks receives; the one who seeks finds; and to the one who knocks, the door will be opened. "Which of you, if your son asks for bread, will give him a stone? Or if he asks for a fish, will give him a snake? If you, then, though you are evil, know how to give good gifts to your children, how much more will your Father in heaven give good gifts to those who ask him!
(Mat 7:7-11 NIV)

You shouldn't place your faith in God.

When you've shot down everyone's best advice, their solution is that it's God's fault that you're single.  I should reiterate that just like Mat. 7:7-11 says, God cares for us very dearly and he wants us to enjoy good gifts.  As singles, we cannot jump the gun because we've become impatient waiting for God's perfect timing.

However, those who say that my Christianity is getting in the way of what I want, are completely correct.  I love my Jesus so much that I will "Trust in the LORD with all [my] heart and lean not on [my] own understanding; in all [my] ways [I will] submit to him, and he will make [my] paths straight" (Pro. 3:5-6 NIV).

Make the most of your circumstances.

This is the best advice anyone can give to us as singles.  While I'm here, I've started a hiking tour business.  I regularly hike in Montana and Yellowstone Park.  I use my spare time to work on various hobbies.  So many people wish they had as much "spare time" as I have.  Until God puts me in a place where I can meet other women, I'm going to wait as patiently as I can.

If You're Single and You Know It

Welcome to Still Sing1e!  Let me explain what this blog is about, who I am, why I've created this blog, and how often I'm going to post. 

What is Still Sing1e?

That tagline next to the header really says it all.  This blog is going to provide a Godly point of view on a range of topics, but especially those having to relate to single men and women.  The topics won't necessarily have to do with singleness in particular, but it will be one of the focuses.  As well, this blog will cover things that singles tend to have more experience with than those who are in or have been in committed relationships.

Who is this crazy author, and to whom is he writing?

Well, I happen to be particularly single at 33 years old, not that it was ever my intention or my desire.  I live in a house by myself in the country on the edge of Yellowstone National Park.  It's so beautiful out here, but there aren't many people, and it gets really quiet in winter.

I love Jesus Christ with all my heart.  My church, a Calvary Chapel, is 71 miles away from my home.

I'm being completely honest when I say that I haven't been on a date in about six years.

And if that doesn't qualify me to write this blog, I own four cats.  Hey!  Don't be hatin'!  Cats rule the Internet.

This blog is lovingly dedicated to all those who are single and haven't found that one person with whom they want to spend the rest of their lives.  It's my hope that anyone else who reads this will acknowledge that what I write about can apply to them as well!

Why is... what's his name... "whereswayno..." writing this blog?

It's been my experience that many churches try to start singles ministries, but fail because of a lack of participation.  Many single people feel ashamed that they are single, and don't want to feel odd or strange.  I'm no exception; I've felt it too.  I've noticed that in general I end up being the oldest single at any church.  I know there are other singles out there who want someone to identify with their struggles.

As well, I think a lot of people who aren't single or have become single again, can still relate.  Even if they don't, they can still laugh at me and my cats. 

When can I expect the next post?

My plan is to write a bit of content at first so that people have more to go to than just one page with one post.  Later, as the blog develops, I will slow down to maybe a blog a week.

I like that little RSS subscription button.  I don't have to think about when the next post of my favorite blog is going to be published.  It just arrives on my computer when it is.  You should click that button, subscribe through your browser's functionality, or subscribe by email.

What's with the finger?

That finger represents two things: (1) I'm single, and (2) God is first in my life.  It pretty much sums up this blog's intention to give a Christian perspective as a single adult.  I can't wait to write some more!