Misguided Advice for Singles

 At 33 years old, I am a single virgin who hasn't dated in about 6 years.  I know what you're thinking—"I've seen this movie before!"  I promise that I don't have an extensive action figure collection, just four cats.

I look around at my friends and family across the world, and feel the pressure of singleness.  Admittedly, I can feel lonely.  Both my brothers are married, and they're younger than me; one of them already has a baby.  Who knows how long I'll actually live since we're never guaranteed tomorrow?  I don't have any kids, but even though I don't have a "biological clock" so to speak, as time passes, chances of having kids diminishes as I continue to be single.

A lot of well-meaning, but misguided, people try to give me advice.  No one has any new original ideas, they just think that I have to do something about my singleness.  I've never had anyone say to me, "I know this girl you would probably like.  You should meet her."  You see, they don't really have any answers.

I'm sure I don't have to explain that just about every single person has heard these next four lines, and it's probably a good idea to avoid these arguments when you're giving advice.

Your standards are too high.  You need to lower the bar.

Wow, right?  As a Christian, I believe it's imperative to keep those standards high.  One of the main qualifications I have for my future spouse is that she's a Christian and believes in God in a similar way to me (2Co. 6:14).

In my town, I've decided that I will not date GGG (Gross Gardiner Girls).  Since there's not a lot to do in town, most of the single people go to the bars for fun.  Among single people, alcoholism, drug addiction, gambling, and sleeping around are very apparent problems.

During the summer we have some very pretty girls from other countries come to work in or near Yellowstone Park.  Their motives are questionable at best.  Many of these women come from depressed countries, and are trying to get out of their situations.  Guys look like green cards to many of them.  In the end, some of these poor girls end up hooking up with foolish guys who are just looking for a pretty girl to sleep with.  Then the drama starts.

I think my standards are just fine.

You need to move away from where you live.

Obviously if you can't find what you need where you are, you need to go somewhere else, right?

Last year, since I saw that my work opportunities in this town were running out, I wanted to move to Bozeman, about 70-75 miles away.  There are lots of single girls there, and a lot of Christian people with whom I could become friends.

I wasn't able to move because I didn't find a good job in six months.  In the meantime, my housing in the Bozeman area screwed up so I ended up having to stay in Gardiner anyway.

To be honest, I didn't anticipate that I would be in Gardiner this long.  On a few occasions I've attempted to move with no results.  Although my housing even here is tenuous, I've come to accept that God has placed me here, and that I can only live one day at a time, that as much as we make plans, God is the one who orders our steps (Pro. 16:9).

At my church in Bozeman, I haven't met any girls I want to date.  Most of them are already in relationships or are too young as well.  Maybe I should church hop a bit, but that kind of defeats the mindset that:

God still wants me to stay in Gardiner, and I accept that, even though it's not easy.

You should try online dating.

One of my high school friends expressed it best when he opined sarcastically that ChristianMingle tells you that God has hidden a mate for you on their site, and if you subscribe you'll meet them.

I will not settle with humanity's best efforts; I strive to obtain God's favor and His best gifts.  When Adam was in the Garden of Eden, He said that it wasn't good for Adam to be alone and that He would make a suitable helper for him (Gen. 2:18).  Abraham's servant asked God to help him find a wife for Isaac, and before he finished praying, God answered (Gen 24:12-15).

"Ask and it will be given to you; seek and you will find; knock and the door will be opened to you. For everyone who asks receives; the one who seeks finds; and to the one who knocks, the door will be opened. "Which of you, if your son asks for bread, will give him a stone? Or if he asks for a fish, will give him a snake? If you, then, though you are evil, know how to give good gifts to your children, how much more will your Father in heaven give good gifts to those who ask him!
(Mat 7:7-11 NIV)

You shouldn't place your faith in God.

When you've shot down everyone's best advice, their solution is that it's God's fault that you're single.  I should reiterate that just like Mat. 7:7-11 says, God cares for us very dearly and he wants us to enjoy good gifts.  As singles, we cannot jump the gun because we've become impatient waiting for God's perfect timing.

However, those who say that my Christianity is getting in the way of what I want, are completely correct.  I love my Jesus so much that I will "Trust in the LORD with all [my] heart and lean not on [my] own understanding; in all [my] ways [I will] submit to him, and he will make [my] paths straight" (Pro. 3:5-6 NIV).

Make the most of your circumstances.

This is the best advice anyone can give to us as singles.  While I'm here, I've started a hiking tour business.  I regularly hike in Montana and Yellowstone Park.  I use my spare time to work on various hobbies.  So many people wish they had as much "spare time" as I have.  Until God puts me in a place where I can meet other women, I'm going to wait as patiently as I can.